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Darkstrait · 08-14-2015, 10:28 AM

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THE SCALLION

POLITICIANS WIN PRIMARIES
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Above: Havelock Vetinari, Douglas Downey, and Moist von Lipwig, the politicians that won the primaries.
SKOTINO STENO, DARKSTRAIT- Primary voting all over Darkstrait and MEJBB Island ended yesterday, with the results being clear: the next person to rule the country would be, no matter which party won, another politician.
Of the three major parties, politicians held significant portions of the vote, and all of the winners for each party were politicians. Politicians also took the nominations for the minor parties (including the Green Party, the Capitalist Party, the Conservative Party, the Communist Party, the Wolframist Party, and the Campaigners for an Independent Mrs. Ethel J. Bundy's Birthday Island) following party conventions held in various cities around the country.
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Above: graphs depicting the results from each major party. In the Democratic Socialist Party, the vote for politicians was 99.8%. For the Liberal Democratic Socialists, the vote was 97.5%. For the Libertarian Socialists, 96.9%.
The Democratic Socialist winner, politician Havelock Vetinari, is unusually liberal for the party. This seems to have attracted many voters from the liberal side of the party, and may be a crucial factor in the main election--- although he may win over Liberal voters, he will undoubtedly lose the hard-line voters to the Communists and the Wolframists.
The Liberal Democratic Socialist winner, politician Moist von Lipwig, plans to focus on developing Darkstrait's infrastructure and industry to new levels. He adopts a fairly standard viewpoint for the party, meaning that less liberal candidates, such as Adora Belle Dearheart and Samuel Vimes, were unable to garner the needed support.
The Libertarian Socialist winner, politician Douglas Downey, is fairly normal for his party. Unlike the more pro-capitalist Reacher Gilt, he maintains that legalizing small business entrepreneurship is the best way to return to the people the right to small business. This view is becoming popular with Liberals as well.
The Scallion congratulates all politicians who won the primaries and reminds the non-politicians who lost in a heap to keep expecting these results until they wise up.

Darkstrait :ninja:

Former Justice, Former Local Councilor, Roleplayer, Former SPSF Deputy for Recruitment, Politically Active Citizen, Ex-Spammer Supreme, and Resident Geek

"Hats is very fashion this year."

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