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South Pacific Independent News Network · 07-17-2020, 08:47 PM

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Good, Insightful and Timely | Year 18 | 17 July 2020

BREAKING NEWS

ELECTIONS | JAMES D. HALPERT
PENGUINS SEIZE POWER; BOTH DELEGATE CANDIDATES REVEALED TO BE PENGUINS

South Pacificans were astounded to discover on July 16 that Amerion, the frontrunner in the race to succeed Somyrion as Delegate, is a penguin, casting into doubt the legitimacy of the ongoing election and bringing into question the intentions of penguins towards the region.

The crisis started when Local Councillor Auphelia pointed out that Amerion looks suspiciously similar to a puffin. Penguin, a fellow candidate, panicked at this revelation and admitted that Amerion might be their long lost sibling. Amerion was not immediately available for comment, but this only prompts more questions. Did Amerion know that they were a penguin? Is this a conspiracy to turn the South Pacific into a penguin dominion? How far does this go?

Amerion is currently leading the Delegate gameside round with 62% of the vote, but even if they were not, Penguin holds the remaining 38%, which means that either way a penguin would end up in control of the ban button. Sources close to the Amerion and Penguin campaigns claim that the public has "nothing to fear from what's coming". With the notable absence of perennial candidate RON, it is clear that the South Pacific is at risk of falling into a penguinship from which it may never recover.

The South Pacific Independent News Network (SPINN) is an independent news organisation established in 2003 whose goal is to provide good news, insightful commentary and timely information for the citizens of the South Pacific. The opinions expressed in this publication absolutely (do not) reflect the views of the Editorial Board. Content is always published with pseudonyms, unless is the author requests otherwise. The SPINN is in no way, shape or form associated with the Government of the South Pacific.