| The Southern Journal presents: The Southern Onion special release |
![[Image: xtMra3w.png]](https://i.imgur.com/xtMra3w.png) March 2021 Edition "Oh look how funny these are" struggling MoM tells you trying to keep herself together in introduction to satire pamphlet release. More comforting reassurances after these messages. ~Islands of unity, Editor of The Southern Onion HEADLINES
North Pacific Army is 'totally badass dude' says TNP Delegate McMasterdonia who is very clearly a 12 year old boy called Jason from Bentonville, Arkansas
NEWS | WRITTEN BY The Langburn Islands | EDITED BY Purple Hyacinth and Islands of unity THE NORTH PACIFIC McMasterdonia, a 12 year old boy called Jason from Bentonville, Arknansas and [strike]Infinite God-King[/strike] Delegate of the North Pacific, stated that the North Pacific Army is 'totally badass dude' and that 'you get to play with lasers and other cool shit'. The anonymous citizen said to the Southern Onion that McMasterdonia later bragged about how he "drinks so many beers dude". When asked what particular 'beers' were his favourite to drink, he allegedly responded with "you know, the cool ones that cool dudes like me Jason from Bentonville, Arkansas drink bro when we're crushing darkspawn in the North Pacific Army". McMasterdonia is believed to be the youngest GCR Delegate in NationStates history when he was elected Delegate of the North Pacific on the 15th of November, 2012 at the age of 4. His extremely young, barely post toddler age largely explains his first term foreign policy which consisted of threatening the New Pacific Order with threatening to tell his mother about how mean former Emperor Krulltopia was towards the North Pacific. The North Pacific Minister of Defence, Nimarya, when approached for comment, stated that "there is zero chance that I'm giving you a comment for your stupid newspaper [strike]Gradea[/strike] [strike]Islas[/strike] [strike]Onder[/strike] Langburn". However Minister Nimarya later responded with "This article is incredibly insulting towards the North Pacific and wildly inaccurate. Delegate McMasterdonia is clearly a 14 year old boy from Memphis, Tennessee and I suggest that you check your facts before printing such speculative nonsense". The Rejected Realms' Delegate Chimes, when approached for comment said "Why are you asking me for a quote? This has nothing to do with the Rejected Realms. I thought Hyacinth was supposed to be writing about how the Rejected Realms is finally able to eject nations to Politics & War. If I wanted editorial incompetence, I would have just read The Northern Light instead.”. The Southern Onion reached out to Delegate McMasterdonia for comment but we have been told very firmly by his mother that it is well past his bedtime and that we are to stop prank calling their farmhouse set on 300 acres of land in rural Arkansas or she will call the county sheriff on us. NationStates admins announce that TRR can now eject nations to CyberNations and Politics and War
NEWS | WRITTEN BY Purple Hyacinth | EDITED BY Islands of unity THE REJECTED REALMS It was just a normal Wednesday when the NationStates admin team dropped an unexpected one-sentence post in the “Technical” subforums of the NS Forums, announcing a new feature: “TRR can now banject nations.” As it turns out, nations are being ejected from TRR to CyberNations or Politics and War. The reactions were particularly strong from TRRs and former TRRs who had been ejected. I sat down with a few people to discuss their thoughts. The first person I talked to was ****** **** (name has been withheld due to offensive language), and they were banjected to CyberNations. ****** **** was a player who found NationStates just earlier today. “I just wanted to be a good contributor,” said ****** **** when we were on a Discord call. “But--MOM PLEASE STOP BEING SO LOUD--sorry, the nation RP was so bad on the Regional Message Board that I was just so annoyed! And even SOCIALISTS are allowed on the site! So I started attacking other nations, and before I knew it, I landed in The Rejected Realms. I figured that The Rejected Realms of all places would welcome my content!! Even then I was a bit nicer, actually backing up my claims with links to InfoWars articles. Sorry, I gotta leave now--” (They hung up abruptly here.) Later, I asked ****** **** what happened afterwards. They said, “b4 i new [sic] it, i was redirected to cybernatoins [sic], with a popup that said that chins [sic] or somebody ban ejected me”. (The Regional Happenings show that ****** **** was banjected by the current Delegate, Chimes.) “also,” they continued, “cybernations is ugly af!!!!! like even NATIONSTATES looks better than cybernations!!!!!!!! i hate how the elites are controlling my access to nationstates!!!!! i am entitled to nothing less than FREEDOM :triumph:” Next I turned to Chimes, who has been the one doing most of the banjecting since the change was implemented. “Most of the time, NS mods deal with the spammers and trolls pretty quickly, and we have our RMB Police suppress them in the meantime. But now that we can eject the nations, it helps us get rid of them quickly.” I also looked through the Regional Happenings to see who had been subject to the fate of banjection to other realms. I found mostly RMB spammers and trolls. The forum thread on which the change was announced received so many rule-breaking replies that it was locked within a day (curiously, less than a page of replies is currently available on the thread). Among the posts that had been made before the lock, many were strongly worded. One proponent of the change said the following: “TRR has always been too famous with their special status as the only place ejected nations go. Now, they’ll have to drown in the pool of other GCRs and get the same attention. Plus, now I can coup and have fun doing it! The only reasonable next step is to allow all regions to banject to the other platforms.” A number of opponents had other views on the matter. One poster’s comment was well-liked among those against the change: “As a person with a conscience, I know that both CN and P&W are both horrible places that no one should ever go. It’s almost as bad as being revived in Balder! I am horrified at the idea of being sent there, even as a joke! There is no question that the only right thing to do is immediately remove this feature and pay reparations to the victims.” A number of alternate ideas were posted in the thread, with one particular one gaining a lot of approval. “You know, this gives me an idea… why do we even need banjecting or ejecting or any of that at all? People should have freedom of movement. By banning or ejecting people, we are restricting their freedom to stay where they are. Sure, this might be a bit annoying for anyone trying to stop a coup, but it’s not like the coupers can do much anyway.” Another nation opted to dismiss the issue, stating that “It’s just like NS issues. There will always be things that you don’t want happening, but now that it’s happened, no need to act irrationally on it. Learn to live with it.” It seems not maybe people took their advice, however, as a flood of mostly illegal WA proposals to condemn admins were submitted. I reached out to the NS admins for comment, but was unable to reach an admin. I was only sent an automated message that read: “The admins are literally drowning under so many messages rn so please chill.” Region concerned with change in Glen's theme music after election
NEWS | WRITTEN BY Islands of unity
THE SOUTH PACIFIC Citizens and Assembly members in TSP are sounding the alarm over a reported change in the music that emanates from the background when Glen is mentioned or makes a big entrance since the end of the recent cabinet elections. Field reporters are saying that the formerly major key and upbeat tune that could play for example at the start of the movie or when Glen makes a good joke is now in the minor key and features an added bassline with an air of suspense and mystery. Earwitnesses are saying that the original piece of music had been replaced shortly after the PM elect had received word of his election to office. Caught and harassed by S.O. paparazzi outside the regional center for culture where it is gossiped that Glen was attending a small "Throw popcorn at a movie screen with video of Belschaft playing on it" party hosted by the Ministry of Media, Glen told the Southern Onion that the "Change in music is probably because i'm a Serious prime minister now, let me comfort any fears that it signifies anything other than a dramatic political shift in tone for the show by assuring you that if i were to become a villain, the song would be a synthy 80s number" Polling by the Dtatistics Separtment has indicated that this assurance has comforted most players in the region, with only a small number reporting concern with the still frame of Glen smiling with an eyebrow raised as the new theme plays now ending on a keytar riff that this article ends off with.
Legislator
Minister of Media Former Deputy Chair of the Assembly (x3) Former MoRA Former Deputy MoRA Ambassador to XKI Anti-Establishment Populist |
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