The Southern Onion: Local candidate stays quiet on voter fraud

Having seen and spoken to various ski-masked figures with flashlights in the election headquarters area at night, former local candidate for Prime Minister JayCoop had this to say to reporters: "They're not gonna catch me looking like a chump, it's a little too convenient, isn't it? Just as I lose, I find evidence of massive voter fraud? Yeah right, that's just what I want you to think."

Continuing on, Jay stated: "Sure I've found evidence of a discrepancy in the amount of votes Media Ministry-issued polls returned and the final results, but I've also found that people will reject big last minute reveals like this as too dramatic."

Further questioning on the topic returned shoulder shrugs and "It is what it is."

The Souther Onion also managed to speak to one of the fixers. In an exclusive interview, he said: "We at first were a little concerned about being so open with this, but the odds that any player in the region will sacrifice their reputation on voter fraud claims so close to recent events is unlikely." He then mentioned that previous ideas included making people think they were in a dream or convincing them to ideologically reject democracy, before the current plan was adopted sometime in the early part of January.

"Sure it may be the bystander effect," said the shadowy figure in the corner of the Election Commissioner office, "but we like to call it the 'high standard' effect because nobody seems to have low enough standards to want to call us out for this."

Jay, who had been walking home from the ministry headquarters with a bowed head and kicking a rock, reportedly told S.O. staff that "At least nobody will think I'm a jackass here, I'm sure democracy would understand."