I had a rocky day, today. I had to come face to face, in a way I've never done before, with one of my worst traits. I had to own it when I would have much rather put it away again in some dark corner of my mind to gather dust. But the Bible teaches that we must face these things about ourselves - the wrong, harmful things we do against God, other people or even ourselves - the things we call sin.

It was a rocky day because, once aired, I felt I could not shake it. I felt the shame and guilt of it clinging to me all day and it set off my anxiety. Now, shame and guilt are emotions people commonly associate with Christianity, but at this point I need to be clear - it was me bringing these feelings back to the fore all the time, not God, nor was it demanded of me by bmy faith or by anyone else. It was just me, dealing with the consequences of things I had done which I really wish I hadn't.

You see, I've repented of these things long ago and I am assured that I have been forgiven, for God has promised forgiveness for those who repent and ask for it. But forgiveness of sin is not elimination of consequences and it doesn't mean that I am automatically free of my own self-recriminations. Sometimes, we all have to learn the acceptance of forgiveness.

Christianity is a strange thing in that it offers humiliation for the arrogant, but exhaltation for the humble. When we think we've got everything sussed and we don't need God, He reminds us that we are dust and that all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God, but when we come to Him in repentance, He reminds us that Christ died for us because He loves us and He will seat us with him at God's right hand.

This paradox of abasement and exhaltation is one we must hold in tension in our lives, so that we never think we are better than other people and never think we are worthless. Today, I feel that I've been reminded of my wretchedness and perhaps I'm wallowing in that a little, but though I struggle to feel it today, I know too that Christ dwells within me and clothes me in His righteousness and loves me so much. Today I just have to trust that, as I struggle to accept the gift of forgiveness. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to live it again.

What secret shames do you have that you'd rather no one knew? What would it mean to tell someone who loved you utterly and would forgive you, if you asked? Can you hold the ideas of abasement and exhaltation in tension in your life, or do you lean more towards one than the other?