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Feirmont · 03-31-2015, 05:55 PM

My fellow conspirators...

I may have found the cabinet we're looking for... the answers to all of our questions:
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List of Winners; or Those Not to be Trifled With!

The winner of the House of Lampshades contest is!

The Church of Satan!

The winners of the Caption Contests are:
- Day one: Qwert!
- Day two: ProfessorHenn!
- Day three: TAC!
- Day four: Bonaugure!
- Day five: The Solar System Scope!

Who killed Lampshade?
The townspeople were correct in guessing that... Escade was the murderer! Congratulations for the excellent detective work from the townsfolk!

Thank you for all participants in every contest!

Story Contest Winner: The Yellow Menace

The Yellow Menace

The following is the result of a year long investigation conducted by the Cheese Enforcement Agency. What was discovered is severely heinous and depraved. This is not for the faint of heart.

March 25th, 2014

An anonymous tip informed us of a warehouse that stores and ships highly unstable and dangerous Class A cheeses. That night, a raid was conducted at the aforementioned warehouse, located within Spiritus. The workers foolishly opened fire on Cheese Enforcement Officers. During the exchange of bullets, a worker panicked, throwing a chunk of "Old Contemptible" towards the officers. Rated at a danger level of 7.2, "Old Contemptible" was once used as a cheap explosive during the Somme. The highly unstable cheese caused a chain reaction that destroyed the warehouse. Among the casualties were 22 of the 23 warehouse employees and 3 officers. Several officers sustained heavy injury. Shortly after arrest, the warehouse employee, known as Salaxalans, was actually the top distributor of Class A cheeses in Spiritus. We knew he had been dealing in illegal and dangerous cheeses, however until now we were unable to connect him to the underground cheese market. Facing life imprisonment, Salaxalans or "The Big Cheese" as he was often referred to as, cut a deal for protection and a reduced sentence. While giving his statement he admitted that he had received his shipments of cheese from The Lampshade Bar & Grill. His source never revealed his or her identity and only contacted him by email to make sure their shady dealings went smoothly. Salaxalans claimed his source was not a trusting person, always suspecting he was cheesey and lacked vision. This of course was not gouda for Salaxalans. He became paranoid, afraid his source would eliminate him and takeover cheese distribution in Spiritus.

We had stumbled on to something big. As part of the deal Salaxalans would wear a wire and gather information at The Lampshade Bar & Grill's headquarters in The South Pacific. After several months of talking his way further into the black market cheese world, he made contact with a high ranking member of the cheese underground, one Tsunamy. At this point it was agreed upon by the director of the CEA that Salaxalans would be taken to a safe location so he would be able to give his testimony in court. Tsunamy was then followed, staying under constant surveillance by Cheese Enforcement Officer TAC. A wiretap would lead us to the kingpin of the underground cheese trade, a jolly man by the name of Kringalia.

October 23rd, 2014

The recorded conversation between Tsunamy and his boss, Kringalia, revealed the location of a secluded storage facility owned by The Lampshade Bar & Grill. After a warrant was granted for a raid on the facility, CEA officers rushed the building the next morning. Unfortunately the building was empty. Somehow Kringalia had been tipped off. Hours were spent searching the building for clues and when all seemed lost, a startling discovery was made. A hidden cellar that was not on the building plans housed records of outgoing shipments both over the last month and for the next 5 months. Generous amounts of Quintuple Llanboidy rated at 5.2, Quadruple-strength Dolgellau Veinclotter rated at 9.5, Ystradgynlais Molecular Unstable Brie rated at 6.4, "Old Contemptible", Machynlleth Wedi Marw rated at 10.3 (considering being raised to 12.6) and Rhayder Speckled rated at 4.2 were already shipped. Several tons more were scheduled for shipment. The most alarming shipment was scheduled for March 25th, 2015. A shipment of X-14 was to be shipped to Europeia at midnight! This was unspeakable! So copies of the records were made and the originals were returned to the cellar exactly as they were found. Removing all evidence of our entry into the cellar, we would bide our time, waiting for March 25th, 2015. That day, contact with TAC was lost, as were all traces of his movements. Things did not bode well for us...

March 25th, 2015

After 5 months of silence we prepared to move on the storage facility again. As midnight approached Cheese Enforcement Officers silently moved into position. As the clock struck 12, all available officers hit the storage facility. Tsunamy, Kringalia and TAC stood together while the sale between them was made. It became obvious that TAC turned on the agency in exchange for the highly unstable, highly toxic and highly illegal cheese known as X-14. They would not give up without a fight though. The two parties split up as they opened fire. Kringalia and Tsunamy turned on TAC, taking the cheddar used for payment and the cheese with them. Although TAC had been injured and subdued, the real danger retreated to an 18-wheeler.

Kringalia and Tsunamy raced down the highway at dangerous speeds, ignoring the danger they faced from haphazardly transporting X-14. As officers pursued them by car and helicopter, Tsunamy continued to fire on officers while Kringalia drove the getaway truck. Smashing through other drivers, it was a miracle they were still alive. The Dangerous Cheese Disposal Unit was on standby, waiting to get rid of the lethal cheese upon their arrest. This however would not come to pass. The bridge 2 miles ahead was out. Attempting to jump the gap was out of the question because the X-14 would not survive it. Stopping at the edge, the two fugitives exited the vehicle, facing off with CEA officers. They refused to surrender and made a dangerous choice. Opting to sacrifice their precious cargo, Kringalia hurled the cheese at the officers as the two jumped off the bridge plunging into the cold river below. The massive explosion killed the pursuing officers on the ground and caused air patrol to crash, killing some of them. As the bridge collapsed, it is believed that the two cheese barons remain in hiding, still selling Class A cheeses to buyers all over NationStates. Salaxalans refused to testify, saying his life had been threatened. The chance to bring down Kringalia and dealing a heavy blow to the underground cheese market was lost. Kringalia and Tsunamy may never resurface and no one dares speak against them, fearing that they will meet a gruesome end. To this day all variety of Class A cheeses make their way to countless regions. Even the deadly X-14. Accidents continue to occur and hundreds of lives are lost every year as a result of the possession of Class A cheeses.

Day 1 Caption Contest Winner

Day 2 Caption Contest Winner

Day 3 Caption Contest Winner

Day 4 Caption Contest Winner

Day 5 Caption Contest Winner

The Warlight Tournament is still ongoing

#EC4Lyfe

Previous Positions

~~Wolf~~ · 03-31-2015, 05:57 PM

I wish I had been declared a winner. D:

The Church of Satan · 03-31-2015, 06:18 PM

Thank you for choosing my story. I had fun writing it and I hope TSP does another story contest. Smile

And remember kids, stay away from Class A cheeses:

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"All life begins with Nu and ends with Nu. This is the truth! This is my belief!...At least for now." — "The Mystery of Life," vol. 841, chapter 26 [Image: AliveBar_zpsdd94d5aa.gif]

House of Lampshades Story Contest Winner

TBR Loses Founder Wrote:7:01 AM <•ChurchofSatan> And TBR is scrambling. It's beautiful.
7:01 AM <•TheGrimReaper> poor kids :3
7:02 AM <•ChurchofSatan> Time to sarastically tell them "Well you should have got a founder and made your WA non-executive." xD
7:02 AM <•TheGrimReaper> LAWL
7:03 AM <•frattastan> lol

(This post was last modified: 03-31-2015, 07:02 PM by Xavage.)

Escade · 03-31-2015, 07:13 PM

Awesome! This was a fun festival Smile

Escade

~ Positions Held in TSP ~
Delegate | Vice Delegate
Minister of Regional Affairs, | Minister of Foreign Affairs | Minister of Military Affairs
~ The Sparkly One ~

My Pinterest

TAC Saxton · 03-31-2015, 07:21 PM

Well, at least my most creative caption made it into the top five Tounge

I am a Super Villain

The Solar System Scope · 04-01-2015, 12:45 PM

I never expected to win. But it was good. And I'm happy about that. Congrats to everyone who won (and lost)!

The Lord of Space and Protector of the TARDIS Keys of
The Solar System Scope

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