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Spenty · 02-24-2017, 07:50 PM

(02-24-2017, 02:12 PM)Seraph Wrote:
(02-23-2017, 10:07 PM)Escade Wrote: Ok, I have made an attempt (I first thought it had to be 500 words but felt better that it is up to 500):

The Old-Fashioned Way

“What the fudge,” I yelled as a giant octopus materialized in the living room and started wrapping its tentacles around the umbrella stand. I backed into the dining room table and felt a nice sharp corner in my back. There was a butter knife on the table and a bowl of oranges. I picked up an orange and threw it at the octopus. It let out a weird moan. I was going to kill my best friend.

“Ellie, for the love of God what is this thing doing here!”

The octopus seemed like it was having a panic attack and its tentacles easily crushed the umbrella stand that my grandmother had sent us from Kalarrytes. My mom was totally going to kill me.

Ellie finally appeared on the scene, brandishing her lightstone amulet. “Hey I was just trying to summon an emissary of the deep sea. This is some major spellwork.”

I looked at her and reached into my teeny tiny jeans pockets for anything that would contain her summoned creature.
“Really you couldn’t summon in the bathroom? At least miniaturize him!” I was now sitting on the table as the octopus flailed about wildly while Ellie stood in the doorwar. I cursed myself for leaving my amulet on my dresser.

“I’m out of juice, we’ll have to do this the old-fashioned way,” Ellie said and smirked.

I sighed and picked up the oranges and the butter knife.

This was going to get messy.

I really liked this. You did a really good job of capturing that YA fantasy genre feel and the style matches really well. It also all flows very well and I found myself wanting to read more.

(02-24-2017, 09:06 AM)Spenty Wrote: Here's mine

So Jane and her husband bought a pet squid as a new addition to their family, and they have literally a mini-zoo in their house. Like millions of pets. They literally bought out the pet shop and even the live seafood section of the supermarket.

One day, Jane found out that the squid's head is growing strange.

"Honey, are you even sure that this is a normal squid?", Jane asked her husband
"Pfft it's fine", Jane's husband replied

Soon, this squid grew and grew. They later found out it was an octopus.

"What the f###### hell" Exclaimed Jane's husband
"We need to take this out as soon as possible"

As they both carried the octopus they both realized that it was a toy squid that inflates into an octopus over time.

Soon, they realized that all their pets are inflatables, and soon filed charges against the pet stores and supermarkets.

It's super short and lame, but I only had 10 minutes for this ;-;

I like the idea behind this, it's really quite funny. If I had one criticism it would be that you change tense a few times, which I know is easy to do when you're writing in a second language, but I would therefore advise that it's something you pay particular attention to when proofreading your own work. Still, for ten minutes work it's pretty good and I'd love to see what you came up with if given longer.

Thanks! I should have proofread my work(I didn't even notice that there was faulty parallelism Tounge

).

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