Well, it's day 13 of our Advent Calendar, unlucky for some, but perhaps not for our special guest this evening who we've secured for the first of a series of exclusive interviews.  So, without further ado, let me introduce, Haplo the Elf!

[Image: MDk4YWE0MWNjMSMvWnRoVXcwQnF4ZmNXeEJqQ1pi...LmpwZw.jpg]

Advent Calendar: Er, that's not you, is it?

Haplo: No.  I'm concealin' me identity.

AC: So your name isn't Haplo, either, then?

Haplo: ... (whispers) Damn... (louder)I mean, ah, no! Of course not!  'Aplo's a pseudo...  a pseudo... a sudafed!

AC: Right, okay... Well, perhaps that's a good place to start?  Why do you feel the need to conceal your identity for this interview?

"'Aaplo": Because I don't want everyone to know that I'm one of Santa's elves, you know?  If word got out... well there'd be no stoppin' the requests for toys to be made, or for special access to Santa or the reindeer.  And don't get me started on what the old man thinks about all this.  "I'm the public face of this operation," 'e tells us, "we can't 'ave every workshop elf thinkin' 'e's cut out for public relations.  It'd be a disaster!"

AC: So, do you feel that Santa restricts your creative freedom?

"'Aplo":  Creative freedom!?  You 'ave to be kiddin' me!  I once tried to redesign one of them space rocket toys in shades of pink and purple and Santa was on me like a tonne of presents.  "You can't go about recolourin' toys!" 'E said, "You'll confuse the parents!"

AC: This is very interesting.  Are you saying that Santa's policy is to reinforce gender stereotypes?

"'Aplo": Oh, no, nothin' like that.  It's all about market forces, innit?  Santa just wants to make sure that all the toys we create are marketable, so they'll provide the maximum return on investment for the share'olders.

AC: Santa has shareholders?

"'Aplo": Er... it's possible I wasn't supposed to say that.

AC: But you have now.  Go on: who are these shareholders and how much of say do they have in the way Santa runs  his workshop?

"'Aplo":  Well, they 'ave a majority stake in the business, it's true, but the old man does 'is best to ensure that the traditional values are all at the forefront of what we do.  I mean, it's all about bringin' joy to the kiddies, ain't it?  And what brings joy to the kiddies brings joy to the parents so it's what they'll spend their money on.  We just make 'ave to make sure that the kiddies want what we're making and, well, television does most of the work for us there.

AC:  This is fascinating!  So, you're saying that Santa's workshop is in cahoots with the global media to ensure that parents are spending their hard-earned cash on those products you manufacture for maximum shareholder profit?  To what overall purpose?

"'Aplo": Festive cheer?  Ah, 'oo am I kiddin'?  Share'older value makes the world go round these days.  Why should we be any different?  Anyway, I must be off now.  I only get a fifteen minute break and they'll dock me pixie dust if I'm not back at me workbench on time.  Cheerio!

AC:  Well... on that bombshell, I guess we can only say, see you tomorrow for more surprises and, hopefully, no more shocking revelations!