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South Pacific Independent News Network · 07-05-2020, 06:44 PM

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Good, Insightful and Timely | Year 18 | 05 July 2020

BREAKING NEWS

ELECTIONS | JAMES D. HALPERT
PENGUIN ADMITS TO PIE BIAS; SUPPORT DROPS IN KEY DEMOGRAPHIC

Penguin has shocked voters across the political spectrum when they revealed, while answering a question about endotarting, that they have been pushing "very hard" to force South Pacificans to "embrace pie over cake".

While answering a question about endotarting, Penguin said that they "can't force [South Pacificans] to endorse me anymore than I can force the people of TSP to embrace Pie over cake - and believe me I try VERY hard on that". This admission has been met with dismay by legislators across the political spectrum, including some who hoped that Penguin could help bridge the gap between supporters of cake and pie. A legislator who spoke on condition of anonymity said, in between practicing before the mirror how to best furrow their brow, that the Cake Bakers Union, one of the most powerful dessert unions in the South Pacific, had spent a significant amount of flour to secure Penguin's support.

The RON campaign has already issued a statement on this revelation, saying that "Penguin's words have shown that none of the major candidates are true champions of democracy" and that "no South Pacifican should be forced to pick a dessert". A survey by renowned elections expert P. Hony shows that Penguin's support among members of the Cake Bakers Union has plummeted from 32% earlier this week to 3% following this revelation, while some political commentators have wondered what exactly has Penguin been doing to "force" South Pacificans to prefer pie over cake.

There has been no statement from Penguin so far on the effects of this in the future of their campaign.

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