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South Pacific Independent News Network · 09-08-2020, 12:50 AM

Year 18 | 07 September 2020

REAL NEWS
PANDA ACCUSED OF LEADING LAMPSHADE SMUGGLING SCHEME
Gale Weathers | News Editor

Former anti-establishment candidate Panda is facing multiple charges of lampshade smuggling, tax evasion and fraud, according to a statement released today by Charles Owen Rupt, Prosecutor General of Government Island. If proven, these charges could result in a lengthy prison sentence for Panda.

According to the Prosecutor General, conclusive evidence has been obtained that Panda is the leader of the Dirty Lampshades, an organisation that smuggled fake lampshades to be sold in foreign markets, most prominently in Spiritus. Mr Rupt said that "we now know that Panda’s campaigns were simply an attempt to gain more influence in the government in order to expand the Dirty Lampshades' smuggling operations".

Panda has emphatically denied the accusations, claiming that they are an establishment plot to keep them from running for office in the next Cabinet elections. In live remarks to the press, Panda said that "they think the people will believe these phony charges, but they don't understand that the people can see through their lies". Panda later said that they will fight the charges and "have a clear conscience".

As of today no arrest warrant has been issued for Panda, who is only required to answer questions from the Prosecutor General’s Office, but Panda's legal team isn’t taking any chances and has filed a request for an injunction, claiming that there is no evidence tying Panda to the Dirty Lampshades and instead suggesting that there is an alliance between the Cabinet and the Election Commission to ensure that their client will continue to be denied the chance to be elected to public office.

However these charges are resolved, the Dirty Lampshades are a real criminal organisation that has faced numerous accusations of fraud, lampshade smuggling and drama llama counterfeiting, which has placed them at the top of the Prosecutor General's priorities. So far no senior figures of the Dirty Lampshades have been identified.

The South Pacific Independent News Network (SPINN) is an independent news organisation established in 2003 with the goal of providing good, insightful and timely commentary on regional events for the citizens of the South Pacific. This publication is satirical and does not necessarily reflect the facts or the views of the Editorial Board. Content is published via pseudonyms. The SPINN is not associated with the Government of the South Pacific.

(This post was last modified: 09-08-2020, 12:52 AM by South Pacific Independent News Network.)