(YAY!)
*ahem*
(prepares to recite speech that has been planned for some time)
Granted, BUT the gold is the synthetic radioisotope Au-198, which, after a week, a) releases enough radiation to kill you several times over, and b) decays into Hg-198, or stable mercury. This means that although it won't kill you with radiation, it will slowly evaporate into toxic mercury vapor, which will insidiously poison your mind. YAY!
I wish that this moment of geeky pride would last forever.

Granted. And it was so well thought out your wish won't be corrupted.

I wish there was an amazing Steam Sale right now.

Granted, but you already own all what's on sale.

I wish I had a larger bed.

Granted, but your bed only seems larger because you're now 200% smaller.

I wish it wasn't raining outside.

Granted, but it never does again.

I wish I had a large breakfast buffet tomorrow.

Granted, but you get food poisoning.
I wish that I could enjoy my birthday without any distractions.

Granted, but you spend it alone. (Happy Birthday!)

I wish I can take a nap.

Granted, but you don't wake up from it (Good night)

I wish that I didn't have so many essays due.

Granted, they all become spoken projects.

I wish I knew how to cook better.

Granted but your food still tastes like ****.

I wish I could have a cake right now.